Ash's Broccoli
by icecream fairy
Summary: I've added another misadventure... in the first, Ash forgets to floss and this causes some problems. In the second, he meets up with some kodama...
1. Default Chapter

This is so dumb! But, ah, read it anyways. My brother deserves a ton of credit 4 this!  
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon, but that's ok, because I like Gundam Wing better so HAH!  
  
Ash, Misty, and the dood that never opens his eyes were walking along... again... with the yellow flea-bitten rat in tow. "Pikachu" it intelligently remarks.   
  
Ash: What's that, Pikachu? I have broccoli in my teeth?  
Brock: ....  
Misty: -_-;;;; He needs a job.  
  
And just when they need a distraction, who should pop out of the bushes but "Team Rocket", the people with the indestructible hair, and the cat... thing.  
  
Jesse: To protect the world.... You know what? Why the heck are we supposed to protect the world from devastation? We are supposed to cause it, aren't we? Anyways, we have better things to do... like..... floss.....  
  
James: Yeah, maybe our boss will come up with something better.  
Jesse: But while we're here, we might as well pick on these kids. Oh, and short brat... you have broccoli in your teeth.  
Ash: We don't need you around! I already have Jean Luc, I mean... Pikachu here to tell me when I have broccoli in my teeth!   
  
Pikachu: Pika Pi! Chu!!  
Ash: What? You want me to get a toothpick? Good idea! Do you have one?   
James: Oooh! I have a used one! Will that work?  
  
Jesse nudges him hard in the ribs.   
  
Jesse: You moron! We're the bad guys! Well...then again...it is pretty gross. Oh, what the heck! Here you go, jerk!  
  
Jesse tosses Ash the toothpick, but it falls into a muddy puddle.  
Ash goes over and gingerly picks it out of the puddle.   
  
Ash: Oh well, too bad.   
Ash picks at his teeth, and gets the broccoli out, which falls onto Pikachu's head.   
  
Pikachu: *#@*&@!! Pika!!!  
  
Pikachu electrocutes Ash, and fries the broccoli.  
The broccolli falls onto the ground, and Meowth calmly walks over and eats it.   
  
Meowth: Wow! This is good! You gotta give me the recipe!  
  
Jesse&James: -_-;;;; Didn't you just see where that came from?  
  
Meowth: .... No. Why?  
  
Misty faints, and no one bothers to catch her, so she just falls and hits her immense (overly heavy) head. *thunk!*  
During all of this confusion, Brock just stands there, since he didn't see anything.   
  
Pikachu: Pika Pika pika etc. !!!!! Chu!  
  
Ash: Huh? I STILL have some in my teeth?!?!   
  
Pikachu: Pika *etc.*   
  
Ash: It's GROWING? And moldy? And it's making scary faces at you?!  
  
Brock: What the heck is going on here?  
  
No one bothers to answer him because Misty is passed out, team rocket and the pokemon are grossed out, and Ash can't talk because the broccoli had reached an alarming size and was still growing.  
  
Ash: Mfffmffblfff!  
  
Jesse: He said he can't breathe!  
  
James: WE GOTTA HELP HIM! And I know JUST what to do!  
  
He runs... somewhere and comes back with pruning scissors and goes to work. He's cutting so fast that a cloud of dust forms around him and when it clears, there is an impressively gruesome yet well-cut unicorn bush.  
  
Jesse: It's head it too big!  
  
James: Is not!  
  
Jesse: Is too!   
  
James: Is not!  
  
Jesse: Is too!  
  
James: Is too!  
  
Jesse: Is not... HEY!  
  
Ash: mmmmffff... 0.o *gag*  
  
Nobody notices that the poor boy has become an unusual shade of purple. Pikachu is worried about the unicorn that keeps on squirming and making faces at him. Meowth has dropped dead because of food poisoning. Jesse and James finally finished their argument and realized that Ash was kinda suffocating....  
  
James: Gee, Ash, you don't look so good. Are you ok?  
  
Ash: (thinking: must...... get........ air........ DO I LOOK OK TO YOU, FREAKIN MORON?!!!!!) says: mmmfffsrrrr *gurgle*  
  
The best he can do is shake his head, which causes the broccoli to whap team rocket to the sky and they are so grossed out they forget to say that they're blasting off again. The star they turn into is green.... Um, anyways.... Pikachu has whipped out a cell-phone outta somewhere and in his best cop voice says: "Pika pipi chu pi" Translation: We are in serious trouble here.  
So in the distance we hear sirens and who should arrive but... MARTHA STEWART!  
  
Brock: *falls at her feet* (he must have smelled her or something) I LOVE YOUR SHOW!  
  
Martha: Thanks, young man whose eyes don't open. But how can you watch it if your eyes are...   
  
She is cut short by a rather desperate Ash.  
  
Martha: Oh, young man! You don't grow plants in your mouth, silly boy! But if you insist, we'll put in some NICE soil (stuffs his mouth with worm crap) and mix it with water (pours in water and jabs his mouth with a shovel) and soon you'll have a BEAUTIFUL rotten-broccoli garden! But I have to film soon, gotta go!  
  
She waves to a dumbfounded Pikachu and takes off on her motorcycle making funny siren noises with her mouth. Pikachu sighs and whips out the handy phone once again.  
  
Pikachu punches in the wrong number because he is a rat with three fingers, and because he is in such a hurry. Then he hears a voice on the phone. Probably female, he decides.  
  
Phone lady: Hello? Who is this?  
  
Pikachu (in a human voice): Hello. I'm having some trouble here. I need help.  
  
Pikachu thinks it's the police, so he uses his cool detective voice.  
  
Phone lady: Ok Bye.   
  
Pikachu puts away the phone and waits.  
Suddenly, he hears the roar of a tow truck, and it comes into view and parks next to the now unconscious Ash.  
The lady takes off her helmet and says...  
  
Anne Robinson: You ARE the WEAKEST LINKKKKK! Hullo! I'm Anne Robinson.   
  
Pikachu suddenly falls in love with her, but instead tries to smile.   
But what forms on his face is a lemon-sucking expression.   
Anne decides to ignore it, and goes over to the broccoli unicorn, or what's left of it. Now it resembles something you would cough up after eating a moldy hot dog. Or a swamp-monster from the black lagoon. We could really get into detail, folks, but if we do the story won't get told! Soooo.......  
  
Anne: Oh. Tsk, tsk. I had a bad case of "Rotten Broccoli in my teeth" after my lunch at Pizza Hut. It wasn't a pretty sight, believe me.   
  
Then, suddenly, Team Rocket falls back down, right onto Anne.   
  
Anne: Oof!   
  
Team rocket: Wheee!   
  
Ash: I 'ee elk! (I need help)  
  
Brock: What?! Ash eats elk?!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
During all of this confusion, Misty wakes up. But at the sight of the broccoli, Anne Robinson from TV, and Team Rocket in a mess with Anne, she just fainted again.  
  
Suddenly, James has an idea.   
He cautiously goes over to Ash, and quickly picks out his Poke-dex, and scurries back to Jesse and the dead cat.   
James points the Poke-dex at Ash and the broccoli, and listens to it's response...   
  
Poke-dex: Ash: the dumb Pokemon. He...uh...Ash, did you know that you have broccoli stuck  
in your teeth?   
  
Ash(furiously): 'eck! (Yes!)  
  
Poke-dex: Oh, ok. Anyway, to get rid of that, you will need a really, really big toothpick, oh, and some floss.   
  
James: I have a better idea! We could use a plant pokemon. Victreebell, I choose...mmph! Mshdf!  
  
So with the Victreebell sucking on his head, James can't fight (big whoop).  
Jesse has a better idea, and gets out Ash's Bulbasaur.   
  
Jesse: Bulbasaur, I choose you!  
  
Bulbasaur comes out, and has an idea too!  
He cuts down a tree...somehow...and uses the tree as a battering ram (uh oh!).  
Bulbasaur charges at the broccoli, and with a mighty heave, shoves it out of Ash's mouth.  
  
Ash: gggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssspppppppppppppppppp.  
  
Looks blankly at the big chunk of broccoli.  
  
Ash: I am never going to forget to floss again!  
  
Misty wakes up and asks what happened.  
  
Brock: I don't know. It sounded like Ash had a giant piece of broccoli stuck in his teeth, but even he isn't that stupid.  
  
Everyone else: .....  
  
James: We'll, we'd better get going.  
Jesse (under her breath): I am never coming near these twerps again.  
Jesse (out loud): Hey! What happened to Meowth?  
Ash: Well, thanks a whole bunch! Come on, Pikachu.   
  
And so Ash, Misty and Brock continued on their journey towards some random town and team rocket made up a better opening theme.   
  
THE END  
  
Tadda!!! Never before seen footage (I mean, never-before seen fanfic...) of Jesse and Jame's try at a new opening theme! This was inspired by their last adventure. IT IS VERY STUPID.  
  
Jesse: To protect the world from vegetation.  
James: To give free floss to the population.  
Jesse: To condemn the evils of mouth bacteria.  
James: To give out free brushes in the cafeteria!  
Jesse: Jesse!  
James: Uh, what's my name again?  
Both: Team Floss It blast off at the speed of spit!  
Floss and brush now or you'll regret it! 


	2. Ash and the Kodama

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yet another unfortunate adventure awaits our poor pokemon characters! I'm baaaaack! But none of you knoooowwww meeeeeeeee. Because you didn't read my fiiiiiiiiiiiicccc! You evil creatures! Sorry. Some people did review so THEY ARE COOL AND THE REST OF YOU ARE SO MEAN! *sniffles* But you will be nice if you review. Thanks! PS: if you've never seen mononoke hime, you might not understand this...  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own pokemon. I'm not trying to be creative. I'm saving that 4 the fic. And this doesn't really have an ending, just narrates some stuff that happened to Ash and how he taught the kodamas how to do something.  
  
*******************  
  
Ash and Misty are walking along a trail in some random forest in the middle of nowhere. They'd ditched Brock after their last adventure because he didn't contribute to it at all, and was no fun. ANYWAYS... they're wondering if they're lost, when a little, butt naked marshmallow man pops out from behind the bushes.   
  
MISTY: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!  
  
Ash: Shut up! I've read about these! They are kodama; tree spirits, and if they're around it means the forest is healthy.  
  
Misty: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
  
Ash pulls a baseball bat out of his back pocket and pummels her into the ground. All you could see were little tufts of blazing orange hair sticking out of the ground.  
  
*turns to kodama*  
  
Ash: Hey, can you tell us where we are?  
  
Kodama: Rattle rattle. (Shakes his head around like they do)  
  
Ash: Hmmm, maybe pikachu can understand it.  
  
Now pikachu comes into the story. Goody.   
  
Pikachu: Pika pika pi!  
  
Kodama: Rattle jiggle rattle rattle!  
  
Pikachu: Pika pi!   
  
Ash picks up Pikachu and holds him to his ear.  
  
Ash: What's that, Pikachu? *listens* No we can not eat him!  
  
Flings Pikachu to the ground. He looks around and sees that it is getting dark.  
  
Ash: Hey, kodama. Do you know if there is a place we can stay for the night?  
  
Kodama: Rattle. *motions for them to follow*  
  
Ash yanks Misty from the dirt and grabs Pikachu by the scruff of the neck and follows the Kodama.  
  
Ash thinking: hehehehe. He has a little white butt.  
  
Kodama looks back at Ash. Some more kodama appear and they start dragging each other along by the neck. (you have to have seen Mononoke to understand this)  
  
Ash: Weird.  
  
They arrive at a "fine old tree" and the Kodama rattle like crazy. Ash looks closely at the tree and realizes that his face is carved into it.  
  
Ash: Sugoi! I'm famous!  
  
He runs around after dropping his friends and runs into a tree and knocks some front teeth out.   
  
The kodama make a table appear filled with food. Ash, Misty and Pikachu sit to eat. Then, the kodama rattle like crazy again and Ash turns to see a big fat ol' kodama about the size of a kid behind him.  
  
King Kodama: We greet you, Ash Ketchum.  
  
Ash: Whoa! You talk?  
  
King Kodama: Gee, no. I fart through my butt and make it sound like talking.  
  
Ash: Oh.  
  
KK: O.o Anyways. Feel free to eat anything you like.  
  
Pikachu: pikachu chu?  
  
KK: No, you can't eat my friends.   
  
Ash: geez, Pikachu. Where are your manners-  
  
KK: I SAID EAT! Now. We need your help here.  
  
Ash: Do I have to eat the broccoli? I'm... allergic.  
  
KK: EAT! Anyways. We've been poor for a while so we need you to perform payday. No, wait. *looks through scripts* Oh, forget that. We need you to *whispers something into Ash's ear*  
  
Ash: Oh, really? That's easy. We can start tomorrow, I guess.   
  
KK: Great. *sits at table and pigs out*  
  
Ash: By the way, how come you can talk and they can't?  
  
KK: I have been given a shot by some people that work for NIMH to give me higher intelligence.  
  
Ash: Really?  
  
KK: No.  
  
Ash: Oh.  
  
KK: Actually, they used to talk. But we grow weak, and we grow stupid. Well, not me, just them. Their brains dried out and they rattle them around, Akoto-knows-why. I think it's their music.   
  
Kodama: click click rattle.  
  
KK: oh, he said the inside of their heads itch and they use their dried-out brains to scratch it. Thank you, Niles.  
  
Ash: His name is Niles? They have names?  
  
KK: you're stupid. Go to bed.  
  
Ash: ok.   
***************  
  
The next morning, Ash awakens to find pikachu with a napkin around his neck and a knife and fork in his hands, leaning over a passed-out kodama.  
  
Ash: I don't think they'll taste good after drinking so much beer, pikachu.  
  
Pikachu: Pika pika kaka chu! Pi! (go crap on a cactus. This is mine!)  
  
Ash (whispers): Can I have some?  
  
Pikachu: Pikachu! (Get your own!)  
  
Ash: Oh, I forgot! I have to teach them how to *whispers in Pikachu's ear*  
  
Pikachu: Pi. (oh.)  
  
Ash: I have too meet them at Tree Stadium.  
  
He goes off into the bushes with Pikachu (Misty is asleep and will be for a long time. She was drinking with the kodama) They arrive at a big stadium (like a pkmn one) and the kodama all rattle again.  
  
Ash: Gee, we must really make their heads itch.  
  
He walks over to the KK, and selects a jump rope from the many colored ones lying on a table.  
  
Ash: Yo, Kodama! Listen up! I'm gonna teach you how to jump rope! I hear you lost the jump-roping tournament to the boars!  
  
He jumps for a few seconds before turning to them.  
  
Ash: So do you get it?  
  
Kodama: Rattle click click shake shake.  
  
Ash: I guess they did. Well, bye!  
  
Walks off into sunset with Misty and Pikachu.  
  
******************  
  
~OFF IN THE FOREST SOMEWHERE~  
Brock: Agh! Where am I? Last time I was conscious, Ash was whispering something to Misty. *bumps into tree* Grrr.  
  
Akoto is coming out from behind a bush (where he was relieving himself of certain things) when he smells Brock having difficulties.  
  
Akoto: Oh young blind one. You have much to learn. Come, be my apprentice and learn how to see with your nose.  
  
Now Brock can't see lord Akoto (or else he would never go with him!)  
  
Brock: Oh, thank you!   
  
Akoto: First, I'll teach you how to hunt. Just chase after me. Follow my scent.   
  
(AN: that big ol pig really has a scent doncha know)  
  
Brock begins to blindly run after Akoto. Ash and Misty come walking by. They'd decided to apologize to Brock, but they see him chasing lord Akoto.  
  
Ash: I guess he found some new friends.  
  
Misty: I guess.  
  
They leave and walk off into another sunset.   
  
The end.  
  
I know! I know that was so dumb but believe me, I can write a good fic if I want to! I just didn't feel like it. Sorry. Thanks for reading and PLEASE REVIEW! 


End file.
